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GETTING PAST THE
"SHOULDS" TO WRITE by Catherine Franz
During the past few months, I have received
many questions as to how I have gone from an unknown writer to overcoming
society’s adversarial thoughts on what writing should be and even become a
well known writer. So today, I was inspired to write on this. Let me present a
gist of my story. And like all stories, there’s always more depth.
When it comes to being judged by society’s belief of what good writing
is, I thoroughly understand the pressure--been through that. For years I was a
closet writer because the feedback I received from writing instructors (from
various levels) was, "your writing is...is...is different and I'm not really
qualified to comment." I took this to mean, "I was a lousy writer." So daily I
quietly wrote, read them and agreed, and tossed them into a growing set of
boxes.
Years and 72 boxes later, my insides were screaming. The
screaming displayed itself in anger in everything I did and with everyone I
touched. After my father died, I was fed up with life, society, and all the
"shoulds" in my life. I knew I was angry at something but had no idea what it
was at that time. With a full level of frustration and disgust, I decided to
give up everything, take off a year, and travel to every writing conference,
study anywhere I could, with anyone I could, and "really" learn to write. I had
no idea what I was looking for at that time. Now I realize that I was looking
for my personal voice and my writing voice.
After traveling, I
returned home to Virginia not feeling that much better about my writing than
when I started. I did notice that my skin was a little tougher but I was still
angry, still embarrassed about my call to write. And as far as my skill level
is, I didn't feel there was much improvement. The feedback I was receiving was
similar to what I received before. One teacher at a workshop at Puget Sound
Writing Conference, Washington State, told me, "If I kept working at it maybe
(with a big voice emphasis at maybe) some day in 10 years or so, I will be good
enough to release my writing."
Occasionally a light appeared in my
tunnel. One time was when I was attending the International Writer’s Guild
(IWG) yearly retreat in Syracuse, New York. There were hundreds of women
writers, all supportive, all different in so many ways. The positive energy was
empowering. I took away from this that there wasn't any exact science to
writing. Learning to trust my own womanhood at 52 was a completely new
eye-opening experience for me. There was a shift in my writing voice.
A few weeks after my year, I woke up crying. Not a gentle sob but a wailing
one. I was pissed. I was angry -- at the world, at myself, at the lamp shade,
it didn't matter. I kicked shoes, took walks, and wrote pages in my journal
trying to understand what was happening. There was a rage, an internal fight
between their feedback and suggestions and with my internal dialogue. Later I
realized the writer inside me was fighting to get out.
Afterwards, my
pissed-off emotions led to, "screw everyone." I apologize for the language
ladies and gents but I'm sharing my truth. I decided to just put it out there
and let it land where it may, grammar mistakes, imperfections, whatever
emerged. Let the commas be too many or too few.
The first time I had
to let go, it took me a week of internal dialoguing and more edits than I'm
willing to admit to, in order to let go. (Actually my first experience with
over editing.) My emotions changed by the hour. My family ran for the hills and
didn't know what to do with me. I didn't even know what to do with me.
The first time an English specialist sent me his suggestion that I might
want to improve on my grammar first, mind you, they never were specific on
where or even what they were reading, I would cry again. This would cause me to
stop writing for the remainder of the day. The next day, I was back to a "what
the he__" again (thank goodness).
Next, I wanted to tackle adding
discipline to my writing. Boy 'o boy, that was easy to say yet hard to
implement. I soon learned that I preferred cleaning the refrigerator, even
visit the dentist rather than sitting down at a specific time to write. Since
then and over time, I learned how this same avoidance rippled its way into
other places in my life.
At no given time did I ever suffer from
writer's block. I always felt comfortable writing on almost anything (a
blessing and a curse). The curse being, I was spreading my focus too thinly.
Yet, I was happy and having a ball and that’s why I kept on doing it that
way. Looking back, now I can see how badly I needed to release all my bottled
up emotions at that time.
Success at focusing in didn't come easy. But
eventually the excuses ran out and the emotions balanced. It started to come
naturally. When I learn to place my needs first, which also meant writing,
anger never emerged. In fact, I was downright pleasant to be around the rest of
the day. My discipline started with one hour of writing every morning and has
evolved into a 5 to 8 morning experience and an hour in the evening reviewing
my day's notes.
The more I wrote, the more outlet opportunities
knocked on my door. I began three ezines, including a daily. Then I began
writing for other professionals and Internet and Magazine articles.
When I began to allow my writings to go public, even one email about my
English skills set me to tears and I couldn't write the rest of the day. Thank
goodness it didn't last and the next morning I was writing again. At that
moment, I realized the importance of a disciplined writing time.
Eventually, I began to receive feedback on how people loved what I wrote,
liked my ideas, and bypassed the occasional grammar error. My name even found
its place in a few local newspapers including the Washington Post. The positive
feedback was far bigger than the "you need to do better" messages. They began
with three pats to one scolding. Then moved to six pats to one. Then 30 pats to
1.
And the most amazing part -- I was happier than ever. You could
find me starting my weekend day writing at McDonalds (the only place open at 6
am), by 10 at the bookstore, by 3 the library, by 6 returning home and
satisfied. There were bum times on park benches especially in the spring,
museums and shopping malls when the weather was nasty. At my frequent stops,
employees or regulars stopped and asked what I was working on and they
willingly share their thoughts and ideas on the topic. Some agreed, some
didn't, but the magic was, my writing became richer because of them, because of
the environmental switches.
My writing kept improving and what I
produced tripled. Occasionally I would read something I previously wrote and
sat numb, not believing, "I wrote, that!" My inner critic even stopped
punching.
Now my pat-to-grammar-email ratio doesn't matter. I know
there’s more to learn yet I'm so glad my writing is out in the public eye.
I write every chance I can and make a space for it in my life. Topics don't
matter nor does first quality matter. Just as long as it’s on a page
somewhere and safe.
A little while back, I began outlining (Mind Maps)
before writing. Previously outlining wasn't my thing. I've also learned that if
there I don't have a certain number of points, I don't begin to write. Yet even
if I don't have enough to begin writing with, my mind is still tumbling and
building and something better always appears -- Something that couldn't appear
without the tossing first.
Over the years, my penmanship has gone from
good to worse. What I have also realized is that my first draft is sometimes
just me jumping and trying to find my way around on the topic. Almost like a
maze. Afterwards, I highlight the good and usually find there is more than one
topic to go with.
My advice to people who desire to write -- follow
your heart. Trust that it will lead you to the right path. Trust today’s
writing will always look different tomorrow and your writing will always
improve and evolve the more you write. Not by any book you read, writing
conference you attend, the best lessons are learned... It is by writing
regularly.
One of my favorite quotes is, "Big things come from the
smallest actions." The light will come after you have completed many small
actions. The same as I did and the many who preceded me, there is light
available in the tunnel and you will see changes within yourself that will
transfer onto the pages. Writing will always be an evolving process, even after
the Pulitzer.
Worry about the grammar until its time, not before. If
you learn one writing tip a week and work it into your writing all week, it
can't help but improve because that’s 52 improvements a year.
You
don't need a lot, one word will do. For one year I wrote 394 articles from one
word -- honor. Every time I completed one article the word was complete,
another appeared. If I had thought I could write this many articles from one
word before this experience, I would laugh at you. Eventually I called a truce.
It was amazing to watch my bar as it kept getting higher. An experience that
fuels my beliefs today, Whenever I began to write another "honor" story I was
transitioned to age seven watching my Dad pitch the ball against the steel milk
bottles, feeling like I just won the 1st prize teddy bear. Yes, the biggest one
on the top shelf, the one that looks twice my size.
At times the
thoughts were firing so rapidly it forced me to stop what I was doing and write
what I could. Many times I had to pull off the road and get it down.
Even today there are times when my writing doesn't make sense but I know
now that I can't get to the next point until I get rid of this stuff first.
Like many writers, we all have a few boxes or stacks of these.
For
everyone who feels a pull to write but hasn't written, let me quote Nike: "just
do it." Let all the inhibitions go, they are nonsense until after all the
editing. Let the commas fall where they may. Write without any attachment to
the outcome. That comes later.
It took time for my writing to turn
into a hundred thousand dollar business. Even a year ago, I wouldn't have
thought it possible and would have just laughed at the thought. I am happier
than ever. No crying, just writing. No kicking the shoes. No more doubting of
my possibilities (okay, some but very small). Be free, write and let it lead
you wherever it needs to go.
Nothing you or I write will ever be lost.
Fight for your writer’s life, it’s worth the battle. Especially don't
let anyone "should" all over you.
(c) Copyright Catherine Franz. All
rights reserved.
About the Author:
Catherine Franz,
writer, speaker, marketing master, specializes in infoproduct development. More
at: http://www.MarketingStrategiesToGo.com and
http://www.AbundanceCenter.com
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